Borrowing Happiness From Job Perks
by Benji Raymond

“Happiness is not simply the absence of despair.
It is an affirmative state in which our lives
have both meaning and pleasure”
Gordon Livingston

As perpetuated in Livingston’s “Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart “, there are three primary components of happiness. The three components he refers to are; something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to. Livingstone reiterates the notion that “something to do” does not necessarily refer to paid work, but nevertheless often is since we seek employment in areas which interest us. Meaningful work is rewarding and beneficial and provides necessary meaning in our daily lives. “Something to do” can constitute volunteer work, permanent hobbies or typical employment.

“And if you sing though as angels,
and love not the singing,
you muffle man's ears to the voices of the day
and the voices of the night.”
Kahlil Gibran

If you’ve been keeping up to date with current employment opportunities you will no doubt have noticed that job perks and benefits are widely increasing. For example, Google currently offers employees benefits which include free lunch and dinner, free shuttles, car washes, massage therapy, hair stylists and saunas. While all this sounds great, the sad truth about benefits is that employees are beginning to pick their employment based on the number and quality of the perks being offered and not on the job and work itself. Perks are great and it is always nice and sometimes necessary for an employer to go that extra mile to illustrate their appreciation for your quality service. Nevertheless, when benefits become the sole reason for being employed in a specific location, then it is highly probable that the third component of happiness is being sacrificed for monetary and short term satisfaction. This is potentially a reason, albeit a small one, why 'employee turnover' is steadily increasing. Employees get tired of working solely for perks and benefits and eventually lose sight of what specifically they are working for. Eventually the perks that once appeared to be glowing in a heavenly light become obsolete to their own understanding and the need to seek new and better perks becomes stronger.

“For if you bake bread with indifference,
you bake a bitter bread that feeds but half man's hunger.”
Kahlil Gibran

A Long December (Poetry)

When E-mail Goes Wrong

by Benji Raymond

A couple of months ago I had my first major conflict with technology. I joined an e-group where members of my small but growing community gathered together and corresponded via an electronic mailing list. All was going well and the group was growing quite rapidly. I enjoyed reading the replies of others but very rarely sent my own thoughts and ideas. Early one morning I awoke as I often do at around 4am where I tend to consciously sleep walk and check my e-mail. I noticed a response in the e-mail group which made me laugh, not in the sense of a joke, but at the radical nature of one of the members. I thought I would share the humour with a friend of mine and decided to copy and paste the email and send it along with an interesting remark about the opinion expressed by one of the members. I would very much like to put my error down solely to my sleepy state, but unfortunately the error rests squarely in my hands. I mistakenly sent the e-mail to the entire member list. Things could have been worse, but Warren Buffet's saying, "It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it," hit home.

A short while ago an e-mail company released a program that provides the ability to delete e-mails you personally sent to someone else, provided you do so before the person has checked their e-mail (and is on the same network). I can understand the essence behind the program. The basis of e-mail is its speed and ease and as a consequence we sometimes mistakenly send an email to the wrong person or get a figure incorrect and may wish to change the error before the recipient reads it. Nevertheless, while I am sure that you would safely assume that I would be in favour of this idea (after reading the opening story), I am surprisingly very much against it. The responsibility of a person's actions should rest solely upon that person and while the subject of forgiveness is a different topic, a person should have to deal with the consequences of their direct actions. The prospective option of backing out of a corner when a person sends an unpleasant or bitter e-mail will ultimately limit the awareness and consciousness an individual ought to always strive for.

The consequences of my blunder will potentially remain with me for weeks or months to come. At the time of the incident the anger I held at myself was overwhelming. I didn't know it then, but I had learnt one of the most important lessons in my life. There is no doubt that not every one will always agree with what you have to say or that you will never hurt anyone. Nevertheless, there is a distinct difference between consciously and unconsciously hurting an individual. The option to back out of a dark corner is great to have, but the ability to always strive to limit the potential hurt is even better.

A Long December (Poetry)

The Sound of Silence

by Benji Raymond

"A bad word whispered will echo a hundred miles"
Chinese Proverbs

I recall my early days in the kindergarten sandpit where the kids would have a dandy time shouting and taunting the other kids. Children can in some ways be harsher than adults and so we were provided with a weapon, a defence shield that would be used in times of hurt. This weapon constituted phrases like “sticks and stone may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” Sadly, and perhaps like so many others, at one stage as a kid I think I truly believed the saying. Maybe the reason we continue saying similar quotes throughout our lives is because we know deep down inside that it just isn’t true. Despite the phrase being untrue in the simplest and deepest of levels, and whether we repeat it out aloud or we repeat it silently to ourselves, it is often the only thing that helps us save face.

We all seem to learn similar sayings at a tender age and as we progress through life it becomes our little bible at attempting to stop the hurt that so often and unnecessarily comes our way. We continue saying it to ourselves almost in an attempt to try and imprint it into our brains. Nonetheless, one cannot deny the considerable damage we feel when powerful words are thrown at us. Punches have come my way and words have been directed at me and I can safely say that words sting more and they sting for longer.

"The right word may be effective,
but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause."
Mark Twain

I often use the analogy of a sore throat in an attempt to explain the significance of emotional hurt. Sometimes a sore throat can be so painful that if we were given one wish at that precise moment, a million dollars would go out the window and a healthy throat would be right there on the top of our list. Eventually, as the days progress, the sore throat becomes slowly but surely less and less painful and one day we wake up with an angelic voice. Since the sore throat became gradually less painful, by the time we’re fully health we tend to forget about the pain and the million dollar is right back up there on the list. Words tend to be the opposite. Words linger in the dust and become more powerful as time progresses. Words break families apart, they tear and scratch at the heart, they stretch the boundaries of friendships, they start wars, and they lead the certain onto uncertain paths.

"If silence be good for the wise, how much better for fools”
The Talmud

With the increasing use of technology, silence has become somewhat of a taboo term. We fear silence; the uncomfortableness associated with it, the constant need to keep sound waves floating through the air. We are ever-ready to provide our opinion on every subject and every issue we come across. The stillness that typically surrounds life is replaced with words and those words can often be quite tactless. The thought that is meant to go into words is too often lost these days. We forget that words can be hurtful and that others may be more sensitive than ourselves. Words slip through our minds and fall from our lips without a trace of thought. A newfound appreciation for silence can help limit or perhaps prevent this recipe for emotional hurt. This is not to say that we must not speak up when we ought to. There is a time for everything, but the thought involved in what we say should be forever present.

A Long December (Poetry)

Lessons of the Past

by Benji Raymond

In previous years Time magazine's annual list of quality inventions has included a variety of sorts, ranging from: Computerized shoes and Audio flowers to Robotic Cats and Dog Translators. There is no doubt that humans have leaped into the future and shattered the boundaries of technology. But have humans matched their ability to create mind-boggling inventions with their ability to develop and nurture human spirit, or are they doomed to repeat the horrific acts of our frightening history?

“I changed by not changing at all…”
Pearl Jam Lyrics

One of the consequences of drinking up to 5 litres of water a day is the constant need to use the bathroom. So it’s not uncommon for me to find myself in the university bathrooms reading the interesting graffiti that tends to find its way on the walls.

Last week, amongst the illegible scribbles requesting details that ought not to be repeated, a neatly written quote grabbed my attention. It read: “Humans: doomed to repeat the mistakes of others.” I was interested to read such a thoughtful quote and indeed, it did make me think for quite some time. While most of the graffiti tends to be anti-politics, anti-religion and pro-sex, the quote and its location indicated to me that we might have found the next Plato. A flashback took me back to my first high school history lesson where the teacher asked the class why we learn history. I was secretly hoping that the teacher would admit that the class was foolish and let us go early, but instead I sheepishly answered, ‘so we don’t repeat the mistakes of others’. And with that answer, the next five years of learning about people who can’t seem to learn from others began.

“You Can't Be Neutral on a Moving Train”
Howard Zinn

Unfortunately, I still remain apprehensive of my answer and lean towards providing the author of the graffiti The Nobel Prize in Literature. Jokes aside, the truth is I don’t think we are necessarily doomed to repeat the mistakes of others. Using statements perpetuating that humans are doomed to repeat the mistakes of others creates an easy way out, an easy path in providing us with with opportunities to carry on the way we are. Statements like these make us downright lazy in not learning. Some may insist that we are creatures of habit, but letting things slide from our ethical radar is of no justification.

If it is somehow true that we are incapable of learning from other’s mistakes, then surely we can learn from our mistakes. In some ways, I would assume this to be more difficult since seeing things for what they are when you’re too close to the subject in question can ultimately be a thorny experience. Nevertheless, when we gradually become laidback at taking a deep and all too often necessary look at ourselves, then the concept of learning from others collapses. The idea is that the two views are not independent of one another. When you stop taking note of the reasons why you’re not progressing, then it becomes almost impossible to understand why others around you are not moving ahead. But while it is harder to learn from our own mistakes, it is the first step.

A Long December (Poetry)

The Hard Truth

by Benji Raymond

“In the game of seduction, there is only one rule: Never fall in love.”
(Cruel Intentions, 1999)

In the film ‘Alfie’, the leading character notices an enticing, beautiful sculpture. He sincerely and perhaps innocently believes that nothing on earth could compare to its beauty. On closer inspection, this seemingly flawless piece of art is unfortunately reduced to an ordinary unit of art. Alfie is forced to face the hard truth and sadly acknowledges that the “beautiful statue [was] damaged in a way that you can't see 'till you get close."

"If you believe in love at first sight, you never stop looking"
(Closer, 2004)

Attraction is an essential ingredient to every relationship but while being an ingredient; it is certainly not the whole pie. If the essence of a relationship is built solely upon the foundation of beauty and attraction, then once that specific aspect fades away (and it almost certainly will), then the foundation on which the relationship was built will also fall away.

Nevertheless, the issue with craving a super good looking partner is limited in scope because the impact of it far exceeds those that can be imagined. Some might conclude that these individuals will never quite find what they are looking for and whilst this is an issue, it is not the only concern. When an individual eventually does find what they are looking for, the test does not stop there. These individuals will never stop looking for something more and there will almost certainly be a more beautiful sculpture around the corner.

This is consistent with the above concept in that beauty often appears to be perfect but on closer inspection there almost always seems to be tiny fractures, fractures that become more significant as time moves on. The more often an individual experiences the art of beautiful sculptures, the more often an individual is forced to find faults with the current sculpture. Once the cracks in the current sculpture become more prominent, it is often time to move on… and the partner will not stick around.

A Long December

The Wonder Years (Part I) – My Earliest Memory

by Benji Raymond

My first memory of loss was not actually related to the literal meaning of loss at all. I don’t recall how old I was, but I can only assume that I must have been one or two. I remember my mother leaving for work and the tears uncontrollably trickling down my face, almost as if the world had ended, only it hadn’t. I recall the way I clutched to my mother’s legs with all my strength. And even though I had no reason not to believe my mother, her promises of only going to work for a few hours disintegrated through the sound waves. My mother would nod at my South African nanny, who unnaturally appeared to be larger than life, and she would come stomping towards me with her slipslops. I was terrified of her and the way she chuckled, clacked and cackled each morning as the episode would reoccur, again and again, never failing to decrease in its passion.

My nanny would clutch on to me with the strength of a bear, and it only took a second for my apparent superman strength or perhaps lack of strength to be knocked away by a hurricane of Kryptonite. She would then proceed to take a blanket and wrap me on her back and I was stuck there for what seemed to be months while she got on with her daily chores. My tears would continue to trickle down while my mom prepared to leave for work. I rested my tired eyes for what seemed to be a moment and when I opened them, my mom was gone.

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The Wonder Years - Introduction
A Woman of Virtue - To Mum
The Wonder Years (Part 1) My Earliest Memory
The Wonder Years (Part 2) Sensitivity and its Implications
The Wonder Years (Part 3) Dad
The Wonder Years (Part 4) The Sun, The Moon & Disappointment
The Wonder Years (Part 8) Chocolate Milk & The Cool Sea Breeze
The Wonder Years (Part 15) - Race, Memory and Innocence
The Wonder Years (Part 16) In Between Two Worlds

A Long December - Poetry

A Piece of What?

by Benji Raymond

"What have I got? Really? Some money in my pocket, some nice threads, fancy car at my disposal, and I'm single. Yeah... unattached, free as a bird... I don't depend on nobody and nobody depends on me... My life's my own. But I don't have peace of mind. And if you don't have that, you've got nothing. So... what's the answer? That's what I keep asking myself. What's it all about? You know what I mean?" (Alfie, 2004)

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Alfie appears to have everything. He has money, fancy clothes and the ability to charm females. He appears to lead the perfect life. He’s happy... but he’s lost...

The difference between ‘peace of mind’ and ‘happiness’ is a marginal one, albeit significant. Happiness is more likely to be short-lived while peace of mind is reliant on what you believe to be true and the way you go about being true to yourself. If a person follows what they believe to be true, there is little reason for them not to have peace of mind. And yet, what we believe to be true and truth itself are often unrelated. Time and again we consciously and sub-consciously repeat to ourselves that we are indeed being true to our beliefs. The consequence of this is not surprising. Throughout the process of cheating ourselves we gain an understanding of something to be true while it is evidently untrue. Despite the cheating, the only losers are ourselves. The struggle of gaining peace of mind is not an easy one. In fact, if you do it right, it should just about take you more than a lifetime.

One of the judges on Australian Idol once said to a contestant, “Your singing and music are like bubblegum. It tastes really good for a while, but the taste fades away exponentially.” The remark was highly unnecessary, but this judge had a particularly superior knack at being insensitive. All the same, the remark has a degree of truth to it when comparing the differences between happiness and ‘peace of mind’. Happiness feels great but is often short lived and is reliant on our degree of comfort (both physically and emotionally).

An example which adds weight to the above notion is my mid-year resolution which appears to be easy but is unfortunately proving otherwise! Before I go to bed each night, I mentally work out the amount of time I need to prepare for the following day’s activities. I take into account what needs to be done prior to leaving for work or university and set my alarm clock appropriately. A couple of weeks ago I noticed that the snooze button on my alarm clock was becoming warn out and fading away (figuratively speaking). Each morning the alarm clock buzzes away and I continue pressing the snooze button for a good half an hour or so. I am happy and very comfortable having the extra few minutes of sleep despite the unwavering fear of the alarm clock going off again. The fact of the matter is I'm not even benefitting from the extra sleep since I am in constant fear of the alarm clock going off. Although a superficial case in point, in reality, I am not being true to myself and yet I seemingly appear to be happy. The happiness, unfortunately is short lived. Those extra few minutes of sleep throw the rest of my day off balance.

Often we travel so quickly through life that we forget to account for who we are and what we are doing. Sadly, we consider traveling through life swiftly to be a positive characteristic. It is futile to travel through life hurriedly when you are uncertain of the direction you’re heading in. All too often we realize this too late, and sometimes never at all. Sooner or later the truth hits us where it hurts and the longer it takes for us to look truth in the eye, the harder it hurts.

A Long December

Have you seen me lately?

by Benji Raymond

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." - (Ferris Bueller's Day Off)

"When you meet the love of your life, time stops, and that's true. What they don't tell you is that when it starts again, it moves extra fast to catch up." (Big Fish)

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While I was in Melbourne visiting my sister, she offered to take me to Gloria Jean’s coffee shop. I stood in the queue for what seemed like eternity looking at the amount of different teas and coffees and the variations between the two that the store assistant came to ask if I needed a hand in deciding what to buy. I felt like quite the fool when I noticed that the other customers were getting quite fed up with my indecision. I ended up walking out with a regular, normal tea. While sipping her Vanilla Crème De Caramel, my sister confessed that she could have made me the regular tea at home. But it was not about the type or flavour of tea I was consuming, I concluded. Surely the fact that we were enjoying each other’s company and feeling the vibrant atmosphere was enough.

Taking a deep look at myself (not fun, I promise!); I realized that the way I spend my time is mostly superficial. If I’m not watching reality TV., then I’m spending time considering alternative ways of wasting my time. I realized that we are so struck by the degree of choices in this world, that we are losing our sense of selves. Counting Crows has a song called, ‘Have You Seen Me Lately’ and while the song is not specifically about losing touch with who we are, the title itself makes it clearer what the vast amounts of the choices we have today are doing.

If I’m not walking to a lecture bopping to the beats of my 60 gig ipod, then I’m text messaging a friend while driving. We've become so scared of facing ourselves that we're constantly looking for ways to entertain ourselves and keep our mind's occupied. We've become so engrossed with choices that we have lost touch with who we are. In fact, it’s about time we all asked ourselves… “Have you seen me lately?”

I recall pondering how unfortunate it must have been that my parents did not have the choices they or I have today. I considered what an underprivileged and poor world they lived in. But on the contrary, it’s the degree of choices in this world that make our world such a superficial and external one.

A Long December

Too Obvious to Mention

by Benji Raymond

"The obvious is that which is never seen until someone expresses it simply.
Kahlil Gibran
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I recall my principal at my old high school saying to the students at our school assemblies, "Remember that what is right is not always popular... and what is popular is not always right.” I also recall how the students, including myself, would chuckle at the corniness of the saying. She was, of course, subtly voicing her disagreement over the previous week where kids were doing what it is that kids do. When the saying proved to be unsuccessful in putting a stop to the hassles that almost always seem to hover above schools, the principal bought a laminated poster banner with the saying and posted it in the school library.

In reality, my principal's favourite saying is not far off the truth. Nevertheless, considering the essence of the concept, I would have preferred the saying to state, 'what is right does not always feel good and what feels good is not always right'. Humans do what feels good, and boy are we good at it.

While I was recently in Israel, I went to visit an old friend at his yeshiva. One of Rabbis had a talk and I thought I'd listen in. Nevertheless, I found what the Rabbi was saying too obvious to mention, in fact, so obvious that it struck me as corny in a sense. It was at this talk that the memory of my principal’s favorite saying came floating back to me. The Rabbi was expressing the notion that what we eat (and perhaps sometimes the way we eat it) symbolizes the essence of the world in which we live in. Ice-Cream, Chocolate, etc. tastes really good (coming from a chocolate addict!.) Unfortunately, while it often feels as though there is a party in our mouths, the food itself is very rarely good for us. On the flip side, while vegetables yield anti-oxidants, vitamins and nutritional value the majority of us would not consider the taste to be appealing.

In a similar sense, what feels good is not always right for us or the people around us. Therefore, it may be safe to say that there is no direct correlation between what feels good and what is true to ourselves. So while his talk struck me as being corny and while I felt that what he was saying was utterly too obvious to mention, it took me many nights to digest the importance of his speech.

A Long December

Crash

by Benji Raymond

"It's the sense of touch. I think we miss that touch so much that we crash into each other so we can feel something. Any real cities you walk, you know, you brush past people, people bump into you. In Los Angeles nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass," Crash (2005)

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During my recent travels in L.A I came across a girl at a college bar and for those of you who know me, you would no doubt have heard me talk about the beauty of her sadness. Nevertheless, while I would be the first to admit that a night or two doesn't decide your love for someone, that night left an embedded imprint on my mind. I was curious as to why this girl did not let go of some sort of hurt she had experienced in the past. Eventually I decided to ask her if she had been hurt by a guy and she shot back, 'This is L.A' and presented me with a cold look that left my personal questions to a bare minimum.

Why is it that L.A has become synonymous with superficiality? Perhaps this notion is based on the parallels drawn between L.A. and Hollywood's apparent craving for box office earnings. The hunger of raising money, critics assume, is achieved through any means, even at the cost of hollywoodization. Either way, L.A. is home to many distinguished celebrities, yet also home to intense poverty. Despite this I still remain certain that superficiality exists within both these worlds.

We continuously crave depth in our lives and are so hungry for some sort of meaning that we tend to seek self understanding in alternative locations to the ones in which we currently exist. Yet the simple truth remains that superficiality exists in almost all our lives, no matter where we live. L.A. has merely been branded as the capital of superficiality and remains a solid symbolic reference to 'metal and glass', a world which is laced with misunderstanding, miscommunication and loneliness.

A Long December

There's something about reality TV

by Benji Raymond

I have a confession to make. I realize I am in the stone cold minority and will possibly receive hate mail via email bombs, but something has to be said. Here goes... *deep breath*... I've never quite understood all the excitement over reality TV. Yes, that's right... I am referring to the likes of you who are eager and devoted viewers… or voyeurs, should I say, of Big Brother, Survivor, Average Joe and the likes. Sure I can definitely understand the interest in human nature. But surely you can just go over to a friend’s house and have a beer with your mate and watch in dismay as his father parades around in his underwear. That way you score a beer, chat to your friend and enjoy what human nature has to offer, while telling your Dad, errr his Dad, to go and put some pants on.

Well, that being said, I couldn’t quite help myself watch ‘There's Something About Miriam’. It honestly was intended to be just a flick of the channel in order to escape the Energizer Bunny commercial, but it turned out to be much longer. I felt so sad for those poor fellas. After an hour had passed of watching this show… once a week… I realized that I had been another helpless victim of Reality Tv.

There's Something about Miriam

A Long December

Save the rainforest

by Benji Raymond

As I often do while driving the humble Red Stallion, I had a bit of a chuckle on my 20 minute journey into uni the other day. I was delayed by one of those nice traffic lights which seem to have a permenant red light and while I was singing incorrect lyrics to the words on the radio, I noticed a bumber sticker on the car in front. The bumper sticker read, "Save the Forests". Oh, how nice, I thought to myself. We surely need more of these people in the world. Then, after a moment of daydreaming about a possible future holiday to the Amazon, my eyes became misted and the bumper sticker faded from view. The traffic light was still of course red, so I assumed that my daydreaming was the cause of the fading in and out of reality. But I assumed incorrectly. The exhaust fumes coming out of the car of this nice lady were enough to kill the forests themselves.

A Long December