The Wonder Years (Part III) – Dad

by Benji Raymond

“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” Mark Twain

I never heard my Dad complain about going to work, not for a single second. On the contrary, there were times when I had to ask him to slow down a bit, for fear of him dramatically reducing the quality of his health. I often wondered why he worked so hard. While we lived a reasonably comfortable middle class lifestyle he never really wanted anything in the material sense. I never saw him go out and purchase a new pair or shoes, a nice shiny necklace or a fancy technological gadget. At one stage I asked him what exactly was the reason he worked so hard and he answered that he wanted my sister and I to be able to enjoy life and not have to worry about how we would be able to obtain new school shoes or textbooks for university. Perhaps it was the fact that his education ceased after high school and wanted the opposite for me. It was only later in life that I realized that everything we ever owned was a product of his and my mom’s work and was not produced as a result of inheritance. They both lived in a moderately low lifestyle and at times even food seemed to be a concern. Nevertheless, one of the things that struck me about my Dad was the way he would leave the last piece of steak or lamb for me. After having a very satisfying meal I would explain that I didn’t necessarily want the last piece but he would just leave it there. I knew deep down in my heart that steak and lamb were his favorite. Only after he knew that I was not going to touch it would he proceed to eat it.

My Dad’s life was uneasy as a child. I do not know this from his personal accounts of his childhood. On the contrary, he often said his childhood was wonderful and then proceeded to say very little else about it. But I do know now that the necessities of life were not always in abundance while he was growing up and that at one stage the lack of income was so great in his family that his parent’s required to focus on the family business and consequently sent him to boarding school. Perhaps that is the real motivation of a parent working so hard to provide for their children.

It amazed me the way my Dad would walk visitors back to their car. My mom would laugh and say that he was making sure that they would leave, but I knew within me that it was a style of hospitality. It was his way of making certain that they would be safe to go on with their journey, however short it may be. I would watch in amazement the way he would enjoy having people over. While I enjoyed having friends over, I would often glance at my watch, a sure sign of my introverted nature. And yet my Dad’s extroverted nature exceeded that of my mom, sister and I by tenfold.

My Dad often mentions with a smile that he would have liked more children. For some reason, I was always so happy when he would say that. I guess in my eyes I perceived this to mean that he was happy with the result of his existing children, my sister and me. While some of my friends’ parents would say that they would have liked less or no kids, he would often counteract them by saying that while he loved his two children, they were simply not enough.

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The Wonder Years - Introduction
A Woman of Virtue - To Mum
The Wonder Years (Part 1) My Earliest Memory
The Wonder Years (Part 2) Sensitivity and its Implications
The Wonder Years (Part 3) Dad
The Wonder Years (Part 4) The Sun, The Moon & Disappointment
The Wonder Years (Part 8) Chocolate Milk & The Cool Sea Breeze
The Wonder Years (Part 15) - Race, Memory and Innocence
The Wonder Years (Part 16) In Between Two Worlds

A Long December - Poetry