The Sound of Silence

by Benji Raymond

"A bad word whispered will echo a hundred miles"
Chinese Proverbs

I recall my early days in the kindergarten sandpit where the kids would have a dandy time shouting and taunting the other kids. Children can in some ways be harsher than adults and so we were provided with a weapon, a defence shield that would be used in times of hurt. This weapon constituted phrases like “sticks and stone may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” Sadly, and perhaps like so many others, at one stage as a kid I think I truly believed the saying. Maybe the reason we continue saying similar quotes throughout our lives is because we know deep down inside that it just isn’t true. Despite the phrase being untrue in the simplest and deepest of levels, and whether we repeat it out aloud or we repeat it silently to ourselves, it is often the only thing that helps us save face.

We all seem to learn similar sayings at a tender age and as we progress through life it becomes our little bible at attempting to stop the hurt that so often and unnecessarily comes our way. We continue saying it to ourselves almost in an attempt to try and imprint it into our brains. Nonetheless, one cannot deny the considerable damage we feel when powerful words are thrown at us. Punches have come my way and words have been directed at me and I can safely say that words sting more and they sting for longer.

"The right word may be effective,
but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause."
Mark Twain

I often use the analogy of a sore throat in an attempt to explain the significance of emotional hurt. Sometimes a sore throat can be so painful that if we were given one wish at that precise moment, a million dollars would go out the window and a healthy throat would be right there on the top of our list. Eventually, as the days progress, the sore throat becomes slowly but surely less and less painful and one day we wake up with an angelic voice. Since the sore throat became gradually less painful, by the time we’re fully health we tend to forget about the pain and the million dollar is right back up there on the list. Words tend to be the opposite. Words linger in the dust and become more powerful as time progresses. Words break families apart, they tear and scratch at the heart, they stretch the boundaries of friendships, they start wars, and they lead the certain onto uncertain paths.

"If silence be good for the wise, how much better for fools”
The Talmud

With the increasing use of technology, silence has become somewhat of a taboo term. We fear silence; the uncomfortableness associated with it, the constant need to keep sound waves floating through the air. We are ever-ready to provide our opinion on every subject and every issue we come across. The stillness that typically surrounds life is replaced with words and those words can often be quite tactless. The thought that is meant to go into words is too often lost these days. We forget that words can be hurtful and that others may be more sensitive than ourselves. Words slip through our minds and fall from our lips without a trace of thought. A newfound appreciation for silence can help limit or perhaps prevent this recipe for emotional hurt. This is not to say that we must not speak up when we ought to. There is a time for everything, but the thought involved in what we say should be forever present.

A Long December (Poetry)

Lessons of the Past

by Benji Raymond

In previous years Time magazine's annual list of quality inventions has included a variety of sorts, ranging from: Computerized shoes and Audio flowers to Robotic Cats and Dog Translators. There is no doubt that humans have leaped into the future and shattered the boundaries of technology. But have humans matched their ability to create mind-boggling inventions with their ability to develop and nurture human spirit, or are they doomed to repeat the horrific acts of our frightening history?

“I changed by not changing at all…”
Pearl Jam Lyrics

One of the consequences of drinking up to 5 litres of water a day is the constant need to use the bathroom. So it’s not uncommon for me to find myself in the university bathrooms reading the interesting graffiti that tends to find its way on the walls.

Last week, amongst the illegible scribbles requesting details that ought not to be repeated, a neatly written quote grabbed my attention. It read: “Humans: doomed to repeat the mistakes of others.” I was interested to read such a thoughtful quote and indeed, it did make me think for quite some time. While most of the graffiti tends to be anti-politics, anti-religion and pro-sex, the quote and its location indicated to me that we might have found the next Plato. A flashback took me back to my first high school history lesson where the teacher asked the class why we learn history. I was secretly hoping that the teacher would admit that the class was foolish and let us go early, but instead I sheepishly answered, ‘so we don’t repeat the mistakes of others’. And with that answer, the next five years of learning about people who can’t seem to learn from others began.

“You Can't Be Neutral on a Moving Train”
Howard Zinn

Unfortunately, I still remain apprehensive of my answer and lean towards providing the author of the graffiti The Nobel Prize in Literature. Jokes aside, the truth is I don’t think we are necessarily doomed to repeat the mistakes of others. Using statements perpetuating that humans are doomed to repeat the mistakes of others creates an easy way out, an easy path in providing us with with opportunities to carry on the way we are. Statements like these make us downright lazy in not learning. Some may insist that we are creatures of habit, but letting things slide from our ethical radar is of no justification.

If it is somehow true that we are incapable of learning from other’s mistakes, then surely we can learn from our mistakes. In some ways, I would assume this to be more difficult since seeing things for what they are when you’re too close to the subject in question can ultimately be a thorny experience. Nevertheless, when we gradually become laidback at taking a deep and all too often necessary look at ourselves, then the concept of learning from others collapses. The idea is that the two views are not independent of one another. When you stop taking note of the reasons why you’re not progressing, then it becomes almost impossible to understand why others around you are not moving ahead. But while it is harder to learn from our own mistakes, it is the first step.

A Long December (Poetry)

The Hard Truth

by Benji Raymond

“In the game of seduction, there is only one rule: Never fall in love.”
(Cruel Intentions, 1999)

In the film ‘Alfie’, the leading character notices an enticing, beautiful sculpture. He sincerely and perhaps innocently believes that nothing on earth could compare to its beauty. On closer inspection, this seemingly flawless piece of art is unfortunately reduced to an ordinary unit of art. Alfie is forced to face the hard truth and sadly acknowledges that the “beautiful statue [was] damaged in a way that you can't see 'till you get close."

"If you believe in love at first sight, you never stop looking"
(Closer, 2004)

Attraction is an essential ingredient to every relationship but while being an ingredient; it is certainly not the whole pie. If the essence of a relationship is built solely upon the foundation of beauty and attraction, then once that specific aspect fades away (and it almost certainly will), then the foundation on which the relationship was built will also fall away.

Nevertheless, the issue with craving a super good looking partner is limited in scope because the impact of it far exceeds those that can be imagined. Some might conclude that these individuals will never quite find what they are looking for and whilst this is an issue, it is not the only concern. When an individual eventually does find what they are looking for, the test does not stop there. These individuals will never stop looking for something more and there will almost certainly be a more beautiful sculpture around the corner.

This is consistent with the above concept in that beauty often appears to be perfect but on closer inspection there almost always seems to be tiny fractures, fractures that become more significant as time moves on. The more often an individual experiences the art of beautiful sculptures, the more often an individual is forced to find faults with the current sculpture. Once the cracks in the current sculpture become more prominent, it is often time to move on… and the partner will not stick around.

A Long December